Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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