No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
