When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
