Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
