it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
