I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Randomize
