Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize