Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
