I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
