nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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