3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
