I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
