he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
