some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Let's get the cat blown out
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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