I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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