I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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