Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
