I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
