She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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