The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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