how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
