His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
