I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We got so high we made milksteak
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
