I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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