my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
