Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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