Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
