dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I could fuck to npr.
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