If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
