Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
