I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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