I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
