I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
