both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Is Oprah even human
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
