what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
