so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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