my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
