How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
