I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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