i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Come on in and take your pants off
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