nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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