it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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