No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
