They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
