i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
