wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
