we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
