I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
