I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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