Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
