apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
