I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
