I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
