i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
