So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
