Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I touched a dick in church today
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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