From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize