I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
