Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
