sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
