I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
