the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
