Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
