I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
