I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
