No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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