Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
