dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize