So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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