i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
