If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
