the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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