the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
