why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
