the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
