I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize