Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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