I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
