someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
